


Mean It

by HardcoreSupernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardcoreSupernatural/pseuds/HardcoreSupernatural
Summary: Dean says I love you, but how will you handle it?Warnings: Mentions of suicide, alcohol use, pill use, and mentions of people dying
Relationships: Dean Winchester & You, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	Mean It

**Author's Note:**

> Little Dean x Reader Oneshot that came into my head. This was based on the song Mean It by K. Flay. It’s a great song so I hope you either listen to it before or after reading the fic! Please let me know what you think! Thank you.
> 
> And a huge thank you to @impala-1979 (on Tumblr) for being a beta and helping me make this fic better!!!
> 
> **Also posted on Tumblr - Hardcoresupernatural**

“I love you…” Dean whispers into the midnight air.

Confusion washes over your face as you lay next to him on the hood of the Impala, your mouth instantly drying and your palms beginning to sweat. You blink a couple of times, unsure of what he said or if he’d actually said anything at all. You freeze. You hope he doesn’t think what he said was wrong, but you are unsure of how to answer. You don’t look at him but you can feel his eyes shifting to you.

“What?” You finally breathe out lifting yourself to a sitting position. Both hands find the cold metal of the Impala and rest by your side, you lean slightly forward as if you are out of breath.

Dean follows your lead, sliding down the Impala a bit to set one foot on the ground. His hand sets on the back of his neck and he scratches, “I’m sorry…” he starts to trail off.

“No, please, don’t be.” You state quickly, placing your hand on his shoulder. “Look, Dean, I feel the same way, I really do...but I don’t know if I’m ready to completely say it.” He looks at you sincerely, and you can tell you hurt him a bit by not saying it back. You squeeze his shoulder and lean forward to place a kiss on his cheek.

Dean stood still for a moment, looking off into the distance. There was nothing but tall grass and trees for miles. You were looking at him, eyeing the faint silhouette of his body outlined by the light of the moon. His posture was slumped. You were hurt, you didn’t expect him to tell you that he loved you. You’d never had anyone love you - well, not in this romantic way, at least. It was hard for you to come to terms with him loving you, which made it harder for you to tell him. You did feel the same, but love for you was something different.

Dean finally pushes himself off of the car and walks a couple of yards away. His hands settled in his pockets, and you could have sworn you heard sniffling. You felt horrible, but you didn’t know what to do or how to react. You slowly slid your way off of the hood of the Impala and onto the ground and walk towards him. You place a hand on his back and he shakes you off immediately.

“Hey...” You trail off softly. “Dean, you know I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything…”

“No, Y/N. I don’t. I don’t know what you mean by any of this.” He turns around quickly, face emotionless yet stern, but you still catch the way his lower lip trembles as he fights off tears. “I thought this, our relationship, was going good. I thought we had something special. That’s why I said something. I would have never said anything if I knew you didn’t feel the same way. You were a pretty good actor. You fooled me.” He states pushing passed you back to the Impala.

“Dean, I never tried fooling you or playing you.” You turn around, you follow him as he settles back onto the car. His head in his hands. “Can I at least get the chance to explain myself? Please?” You walk over to him, standing a couple of feet apart. He nods his head yes.

“Okay, good” You walk over next to him and lean on the car. You were more comfortable talking about this stuff to an empty field than to someone’s face. You were about to spill some heavy stuff on Dean that he most definitely deserved to know, and you were about to make sure he actually knew that he loved you once he knew everything about you.

“I know I don’t really talk about my family much and there’s a couple of reasons why.” You start, crossing your arms and hugging yourself tightly. “Ever since I can remember, my mom would sing me to sleep. She had the most lovely voice. She would sing songs of love and happiness, and her voice would fill the room remaining there for hours after she left. When I was little, I always thought our family was perfect. I remember us going to the park and the beach and traveling everywhere the wind could take us. But, when I was about 6 years old, I woke up one night, my door was slightly open and I heard faint talking coming from outside. I was curious of course, being a kid and all,” You laugh nervously. “So I decided to leave my room and go look for my mom, hoping she would put me back to sleep. But, instead I found them arguing. I guess from then on I just thought that was normal. Normal in relationships to be fighting all the time and not show any affection towards each other.” You could feel Dean’s eyes on you with every word leaving your mouth. You were trying to hold back tears, but every so often one would fall. It was hard for you to talk about, hard to be so vulnerable but you liked Dean, you loved him. You wanted to be completely open with him.

“A few years later, my mother died. Car accident.” You sniffle. “At least that’s what people say, you know.” You give Dean a sly smile. “I think she killed herself, to get away from my dad. But I didn’t think that back then. I actually grew to adore my father as he drowned himself in his drinks. The house became a mess and as I grew older I learned how to take care of myself and I learned how to take care of him. He died a couple of years later after mixing alcohol and various pills.” You say looking down at the ground.

“I am so sorry.” Dean mentions. You nod.

“I mean, I know I should be thankful for the things they taught. I learned from both of them to be so damn faithful that I didn’t need a God. He wasn’t there for me when I needed him the most. He probably forgot all about me…” You say looking up into the stars. “Did you God? Did you forget about me?” You say almost yelling to the sky. Dean slides off the car and puts one arm around you. You break under his touch and begin to cry heavily, tears and snot leaking onto his flannel shirt.

After a few moments you caught your breath, “When I was 13, I moved in with my grandma. She was sweet and kind. I’ve talked about her before.” You mention to Dean, pulling away. “She died when I was 19, but before she did, she gave me a necklace that my grandfather gave her. It was made of gold and a diamond. She would always say, ‘It reminded him of what life could have been’. I still wear it every single day.” You twirl the necklace between your fingers.

You pause for a moment to gather your thoughts. Dean’s arm around your waist, patiently waiting for you to speak, “I always hoped to have a family someday, to teach them things I learned and to give them something better. I hope to sing to my daughter and I hope that she forgives me for the mistakes I’ll make as a mother, but I’ll teach her to breathe when she’s low and deep underwater. Tell her to stay faithful and to remember what she loves, because the world will get painful, but she’ll become her own God.” You pause another moment. “I daydream about my life all the time, going over all the mistakes I’ve made and what I could have done better...but the days go by and the seasons change and the tragic thing is that I can’t live it twice, but I’ll be brave. And the crazy thing is that I couldn’t think of a better life, because without all these things happening I would have never met you.”

You finally face Dean, you hip resting against the Impala and his arm safely around your waist. “So Dean, when I say ‘I love you’, I want to mean it. I want to be one-hundred percent sure that you feel the same way I feel about you. I say a lot of things that I don’t mean, and in my life, I was so used to trusting people and falling for people so hard that in the end I would get hurt every single time. You are the first person where I know this thing, this feeling that I have is something special. And when I say I want to, I want to mean it. Because I know not to say yes to just anything. I am willing to love you until the day I die, and I can feel you are the one. But actually saying it makes this all too real.” You say lowering your head.

Dean’s hands lifts your chin up to meet his soft lips. Before your lips touch, he says, “I love you more than anything.” When your lips meet, it is like the first time all over again. The soft tug of his teeth that closed gently on your bottom lip, the heavy breathing you both let out when you took short breaks to come up for air. One of your hands snakes its way up his chest to the base of the back of his neck. You pull him closer, then pull back and a smile creeps across both of your faces. You lick your lips. His ears perk up slightly when he smiles and his eyes sparkle brightly.

“I will always love you, Dean Winchester.” You beamed, and a huge smile stretches across his face.


End file.
